My name is Kathryn, and I’m an addict.
You can probably guess by the title, but I have a bit of a thing for pens. I hoard them. Not just pens, actually, but all kinds of writing implements. Disposable pens, fountain pens, ballpoint pens, mechanical pencils, yellow #2 pencils, any colour #2 pencils, Chinese calligraphy brushes, styli, quills… Even as I type this, there is a pot of Aubergine ink next to me… which has spilled and solidified onto the table. (Yeah, I should probably clean that.)
As a writer, I feel like I’m allowed to like pens. Part of my livelihood, right? Hobbihood, at least. (Hobbihood- #words that should be in the dictionary.)
I mean, there is a connection between writers and their pens, it’s a legitimate desire to want to write on paper with ink. There’s something decidedly writerly about it. (Anyone who is interested reading about pens and a hilarious take on the history of writing, check out The Missing Ink by Phillip Hensher.)
But I do the majority of my writing done on keyboard, and even if I didn’t, this pen addiction would still be hard to justify. Just tell me I’m not alone. I can’t be.
I was at that Fedex place that used to be Kinko’s today, and they were having a pen sale.
I don’t give a fig for shoe sales or garage sales. But a pen sale? Why had I never seen one of these before? Where have they been all my life?
I’ll admit it. I’m a writing implement hoarder. I have various stashes and caches of pens and pencils scattered and hidden throughout my personal spaces and I carry a mobile supply in my bag.
Despite having at least 8 pens in my person, I still bought another, thinking that it might be the one. It was a Pilot Q7, black ink, pretty green jewel clip.
Before writing this, I didn’t know what those things were called. I never used them, never hooked them into my pocket, but I was always disappointed when they broke off. To me they were just a way to tell one BIC mechanical pencil from another.
(I had to look at a Pen Diagram to find out what it was called.)
As it turned out, my recently purchased Pilot Q7 with pretty green jewel clip was certainly not the one. For anyone who was curious or thinking about running over the pen sale right now and getting one for themselves, don’t. It’s smeary and bleeds through the page. My pinky is now smudged with ink where it grazed over squared lines of this moleskin. (I wrote out the first draft by hand.) That’s actually where I got the idea for this blog post. I bought this new pen I didn’t need and sat down to write with it as a test run, and ended up writing about my ridiculous pen addiction and its frequent disappointments and triumphs.
I know I can’t be the only one who buys pens they don’t need. I mean, if we only bought the exact number of pens we would use, the pen industry would crumble. My search for the perfect pen is helping to keep the pen industry alive.
It’s this obsession with the one pen that leads to a less savory habit: pen-stealing.
Now I don’t shoplift from Staples or Home Depot but I do swipe promising plumes from friends and family whom I see writing with apparent ease and pleasure. I ask to “borrow” it and “forget” to give it back.
Now I’ve outed myself, no one will lend me their pens anymore. That’s okay though, because there are plenty of people out there who cater to people like me who want me to steal their pens.
List of the most common places where I steal pens
The gym (purple ink!)
The bank (except for Chase, because they chain theirs up.)
The doctor’s office (I have a Viagra pen that’s with a jewel clip that stands erect. And yes, they did it on purpose.)
Local media places
Book stores (except for Barnes and Noble, because they also lock theirs down)
Business conferences (Pen hoarder heaven! Everyone has pens that they are dying to give away.)
Recruiter offices
And of course… Work. (Who doesn’t steal pens from work?)
What’s in my bag right now
1. Paper Mate Ink Joy 300 RT 1.0 M (black clicky)
2. BIC #2 mechanical pencil 0.7mm (red jewel clip)
3. Nondescript advertisement pen for The Lost Ogle (black clicky)
4. Zebra M-301 .05 metal mechanical pencil Made in Japan
5. ZEBRA SARSA 0.7 (blue clicky)
6. ZEBRA SARSA 0.7 (oxblood clicky)
7. BIC standard black pen (no cap) Made in Mexico
8. Tube of ink that came from a whole pen (Hub Pen 11I)
9. Invisible Ink pen with a light on the cap to shine on the ink and make it appear (glowy white ink)
10. Fancy maroon and silver metal Folio Society pen with pretty golden writing (black clicky)
11. Another BIC mechanical pencil 0.7mm (also red jewel clip)
12. Cap-less BIC Round Stic M
(Again, read The Missing Ink for the surprisingly fascinating history of BIC.)
And of course, my new and underwhelming Pilot Q7
My friend (who shares my pen-thieving habit) gave me her favourite kind of pen when I told her I meant to be a writer. It’s a good pen, blue, I’d recommend it.
“It’s a Pilot G2 .05. The 0.5 makes all the difference!” ~Keely
She recompensed this generosity by stealing a pen from one of the numerable stashes throughout my house. She had my permission, of course. I don’t mind giving pens away or sharing, but I do get horribly (and hypocritically) angry when people do not return them.
I’m still looking for my favourite but for now I’m content with ZEBRAs.
Favourite pens used to be a thing; a person’s pen choice said something about them. These days people write more notes and messages on their tablets and phones, so there’s no need for a favourite pen. So what do we have now? A favourite thumb?
I suppose I could get behind that, though I must confess I’m rather partial to both of mine. For now, however, I shall continue the quest to find the perfect pen.
So there it is.
My name is Kathryn, and I have a pen addiction.
(Penediction)